However, there is one potential downside to excitement about soaking up all this new information.  In my zeal to know all that I can, and to learn all that I can, I may easily spend all my free time learning, and never take what I have gleaned and put it into action. It’s as though I have become a colander instead of a cup. Very little is retained that can be shared with someone else.

As a volunteer, to schedule the time in my calendar to go away to a conference is a major accomplishment. And when I do get to go, I am excited and challenged to try new processes. But, how many of those processes actually get done? What do I do with the information I am given at a conference. I often bring back my post-conference excitement for something new and try to work it into a week that is all ready jammed packed to make up for the lost time while I was away at the conference. Now, those new ideas and challenges often have to sit to the side on my desk, waiting to be implemented. Day by day, they may be pushed further to the side, covered by the immediate tasks at hand that have to be handled now. Until, reluctantly, my once fresh and exciting ideas end up filed away with the next “cleaning of the desk” for when I have more time.

If we are to be good stewards of our time away at a conference, we need to have something to show for it. After a conference, make it a practice to decide what you can address first, and then:

- Do it. Schedule that new activity somewhere in the next 30 days. Nike was on to something. Just do it!

- Stop it. Kill that program, event, or person (no, not really) or ministry that isn’t accomplishing what your vision for ministry is to accomplish. Be brave. Just stop it.

- Tweak it. Take what you are doing and adjust it to incorporate what was presented that rang in your spirit at the conference.

- Share it. When it works, let others in on it. Blog about it, link to it, send a tweet, but don’t keep it to yourself. Multiply your conference time to those who didn’t attend, but see your work.

Conferences require a volunteer’s most precious resources – time and money. If we go, and don’t change, it’s wasting both. I can’t justify paying to go to another conference if I haven’t done anything with what I learned at the last conference, or six, that I have attended.

What we learn can benefit our ministry, as well as others. We can offer what we have learned to those in our ministry, and to those around us. Like a cup of cold water (or cup of hot coffee), we can be a refreshment. Or we can just let the water or coffee, run through like a colander and be lost.

I want to be a cup!

Honestly, I am capable of hearing what he is saying while continuing to work, but that’s not the point. I consider myself a family man; the type that puts my family ahead of my worldly pursuits. However, in that moment I am telling my son that whatever I am doing is more important than him. In my mind I may be thinking that what I am doing is more important than what he is saying. This may be true as he most often wants to talk about cartoons or video games, but that’s not the point. In that moment the message I am sending my son is that whatever I am doing is more important than HIM. I could cry now thinking of the times I have done this while working, or worse, while watching TV. I fear that my son may already think that I don’t have time to listen to him, or that these other things are more important than he is.

The problem isn’t so much that I don’t know everything that my son wants to tell me about Bakugan, or Pokeman. The problem is, if I don’t listen when he talks to me about these things then he may not talk to me about the important things that come later. If I can’t listen with my eyes, and not just my ears at this stage of life, then I may give up the chance to listen when he is facing things that can have a much greater impact on his life. I am lucky as my son is only 8 years old, and I believe there is time to correct this situation. Regardless of how old your children are be sure that you are listening with your eyes. If your children are young like mine then you are in luck, but even if your children are teenagers, or adults it is never too late to start practicing this.

This thought also applies to ministry. If we are not listening with our eyes when the children in our ministries are talking, then we will very quickly loose the privilege. Our own children may be willing to cut us some slack, but we may only have a couple of opportunities to get this right with the children in our ministry.

So, I would ask you – are you listening with your eyes? To your own children? To the children in your ministry? To your spouse?

My husband Kelly and I met while working on staff at Willow Creek Church. It was a fairy tale match made in heaven: he noticed me teaching the children with all of my passion and talent, and immediately knew I was the one for him. Not really. We were set up on a blind date by a friend! But, either way, it worked out and almost seven years later – we’re happier than ever to be married.

For the first 5 years that Kelly and I knew each other, we worked in full time ministry together: he in student ministry and me in children’s ministry. And even though we didn’t work on the same team – our offices were just down the hall from each other, and we had plenty in common for the experience to be both great and at times, challenging.

Since leaving our staff positions, we’ve been volunteering together at our new church: he in student ministry and me in children’s ministry (shocking, right?!). We figured that volunteering at church together would naturally be easier to navigate than all of the complexities that came with being on a church staff together. Truth is, it’s been a mixed bag of benefits and challenges. Volunteering with your spouse can be both life-giving and terribly challenging. Here are a few things we’ve observed:

· Common Language: When volunteering with your spouse at church, you share a common language – you generally know the same people, and the church culture, and are able to easily relate with the other’s experience. The challenge for us has been knowing how not to corrupt each other’s experience with common language. When I come home from a difficult volunteer experience, and share all of the nasty details with Kelly, he then takes that with him into his own volunteer experience. We’ve had to learn how to honestly share both our good and bad experiences, while still protecting each other. It’s not easy. Especially for me.

· Seeing Each Other’s Gifts in Action: I know what Kelly is good at, and he knows what I’m good at, but there’s something about seeing each other’s best talents in action at church that draws us even closer together. Recently, Kelly taught a Facebook class for parents at church. Several Sundays, I sat in the back row listening to him teach, and answer questions, and envision parents. It was amazing! I already knew he was great at those things, but actually watching him made me more grateful, and more connected to Kelly.

· Find a New Hobby: We found, especially while on church staff, that conversation about church can become your only hobby. It’s easy to talk church with your spouse over dinner, at the movies, and while grocery shopping. It’s great to have a common interest, but we discovered that we also needed to find hobbies that had nothing to do with church, or talking about church. Like visiting museums, and trying new restaurants, and spending time at the beach. And, we had to push ourselves to not discuss church while participating in these activities!

For Kelly and me, most of our lives together have been working or volunteering in ministry, it’s always been, and surely always will be a part of our connection to each other.

We’re curious to hear observations from other couples who serve in ministry together. What have been your observations?

• An Introduction to the Series
• Prayer
• Time in God’s Word
• Church

Today (and in the next installment), we move on to a struggle that many of us in ministry have faced or do face – making sure that we do not sacrifice family in order to accomplish what we want to in ministry.  Last week, I published an excerpt from Charles Spurgeon’s Evening by Evening Devotional in which he wrote:

“This is our first duty, we are to begin at the family hearth: he is a bad preacher who does not commence his ministry at home. The heathen are to be sought by all means, and the highways and hedges are to be searched, but home has a prior claim, and woe unto those who reverse the order of the Lord’s arrangements.”

In today’s installment of the Non-Negotiables, we will examine the importance of tending to your spouse and marriage.  In the next installment, we will talk about your children.

Marriage is important to God – so important mind you that the Bible says that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16 NASB). It was the very first institution created by God for his creation.  Despite living in the presence of God, He proclaims of Adam:

It is not good that the man should be alone… [Genesis 2:18]

Adam needed a “helper” and so God created Eve and explains:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Throughout the Bible, God works through married couples and expresses his high view of the institution.

Despite that, many of us in ministry are all to willing to sacrifice our marriage for the purposes of pursuits of the ministry.  Even more so though, many of us who are parents sacrifice time spent on our marriage for our kids.  In this article, I would like to address both.  One word of explanation, I am a man, a husband, and a father.  While I believe this principal is just as important for women as it for men, you will likely see a slant towards husbands.

As married people, we are called by God to be his light to our spouse.  The marriage relationship, after all, is presented as a picture of Jesus and the church, and we know what Jesus gave for his bride.  In fact, the relationship is so important, that the Bible explains problems in that relationship WILL impact your relationship with God.  Consider:

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. [1 Peter 3:7]

So, what does this look like in real life?  It means that our spouse must be a priority in our lives.  We must serve them as Christ served the church, we must prioritize their wants and desires, we must be an anchor in times of trouble and a companion in the journey through life.  When both spouses are seeking after the will of God, this is a lot easier.  Even if that is not the case though, we have a duty to our spouse.  The Bible is clear.  Paul acknowledged it when he wrote:

32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. [1 Corinthians 7:32-25]

Paul does not say that there is anything wrong with marriage, but he does say acknowledge that the married person will have obligations to their spouse.  We can not ignore these spousal duties in the name of ministry to God.  The God who tells us to leave the alter and reconcile with our brother if there is anything between us certainly does not wish to neglect our spouse in the name of serving him.

So, what does this look like in terms of those of us who do ministry, because God calls us to be a good spouse and to spread the word of his kingdom.  It means that you make time for your spouse.  Write it on your calendar if you need, but guard that time.  Spend time daily talking, and make sure you talk about things that interest your spouse as well.  Go on a date night once a week.  Get away for a weekend a couple of times of year.  Make all of this part of your routine and guard it vigorously!

Finally, a word of warning to parents.  We will talk more next time about the importance of not sacrificing your relationship with your kids, but there is another danger that comes with being parents.  Oftentimes, parents will begin to prioritize their children over their spouses.  This is not consistent with God’s plan.  God absolutely gave us children to love and raise in the training and admonition of the Lord, and we have God given responsibilities to them.  However, marriage was created first and is therefore afforded an even greater priority in God’s plan.  When we make children more important than our spouses, we turn them into little living breathing idols.  In the end, the best thing you can ever do for your kids is to love your spouse well.

One last note…as there is a possibility that my wife may read this post – she does that sometime.  I do not write this article as one who has mastered this.  If I tried to count the number of times I have failed in this regard, just numbering them would take quite some time.  Fortunately though, my wife has stuck with me through thick and thin, and next week will mark 11 years married.  Even after all this time, I am still working on making sure that my marriage and my spouse are non-negotiables.  I love you honey!

1. Though training is beneficial, it is not required to help children with special needs. My first trepidation as I started this new job was my complete lack of training in this area. Despite this, I was able to connect with the children and quickly learned what their needs were. If you find yourself ministering to children with special needs, take heart. You can learn as you go. If, however, you have the opportunity to learn up front, take advantage of it. Knowledge is power.

2. There is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to helping children with special needs. One thing I quickly learned is that different children require different approaches, even if they have the same disorder or condition. For example, one child would always answer, “no” to any question. I learned that in this situation I should ask her to choose from two equally acceptable choices. Another child, however, refused to make choices. It is very important to get to know the children to understand the motivations, desires, preferences, and nuances of each one.

3. Even if a child looks normal, it does not mean that he or she does not have special needs. Some of the children in the program appeared normal in every way. They even performed normally. Their conditions did not manifest themselves until situations came up that tested their patience. Some had difficult times controlling their anger when they would lose a game. Others found it hard to keep hands and feet to themselves. These traits would not be evident by simple observation of a child’s appearance. Only through interaction and taking time to become acquainted with each kid do these issues become known.

4. Patience is a virtue. It is often tempting to expect the same performance or social ability among some of the kids in the program. Their cognitive disorders, however, make such expectations unfair. Patience is important for those working with any child, but even more so when special needs are involved.

5. Even good kids have bad days. In a perfect world every child would experience steady, consistent growth over time. Such is not the case in the real world. Just like adults, kids have good days and bad days. When ministering to children, especially those with special needs, it is important to keep things in perspective. Grace and compassion must be demonstrated to children who aren’t on their “A-game”.

6. Kids can tell if you care. Nothing says, “I care” more than investing time in children and showing genuine interest in them. They take note. Even kids with severe cognitive disorders know when adults care. Training and experience can be of great benefit, but only in the hands of someone who cares.

Even if you have not encountered children with special needs, it is likely that you will at some point. Training is helpful to understand how to meet the various needs that kids may have. However, with no training at all, a loving adult who truly cares about children can learn to have a positive impact on these special lives. Do not let ignorance or fear drive you away from life-changing service.

]]> http://kidmin1124.com/kidminvolunteer-issues/training/ministering-to-children-with-special-needs/feed/ 4 http://kidmin1124.com/kidminvolunteer-issues/networking/bit-lywp-agm-rt-huh/ http://kidmin1124.com/kidminvolunteer-issues/networking/bit-lywp-agm-rt-huh/#comments Fri, 27 Aug 2010 12:00:51 +0000 John Foley http://kidmin1124.com/?p=544 From Twitter, Facebook, Digg, YouTube, Linkedin, Stumbleupon, Designfloat, Furl, Technorati, WordPress, Google Reader….and the list goes on and on; you can quickly realize that social media is huge and is only getting bigger. There are two extremes to social media, there are those that are scared of the unknown so they never try it and then there are others that as soon as they wake up they grab their iPhone (or any other smartphone) to get caught up on everything that happened while they slept.

My typical day is I get up around 7:00, check my email (I have 5 email accounts that are all synced to my Blackberry, check both (yes I have two) twitter accounts, check my Facebook account as well as my Facebook page, get dressed and try to shove some food in my mouth as I run out the door. I then get to work pull up my work email and Google reader to go through 1,000′s (yes, that is no exaggeration) of posts. If you are not familiar with Google reader it is a great tool that will pull all new blog posts to your Google account. I love it! Anyways, this is all done before 9:00 am so I bet you can guess how much more time during the day I spend on these sites.

So is tweeting about everything wrong? Is connecting with others on Facebook wrong? Depends on who you ask.

I recently had to take a step back to see how much of my social media interaction was worth it and what impact did it have. Was it important that I tweeted about every new phone that was going to be introduced? or what about fun little quotes/jokes? or how hot the weather has been? Those are probably not that important. So should I just delete all of my accounts? I say no. Each day I am meeting new people,getting ideas of what works and what doesn’t in kidmin and I am able to find great resources such as lesson plans, crafts, games and video loops all because of Twitter and Facebook.  It was through twitter that I was able to meet Wayne and share my experiences on this blog (which is completely awesome and I am SO thankful for the time that he, and others put into it!)

Final thought, if we can harness the power of social media we will be able to reach thousands of kids ,and adults, that may never step into a conventional church to hear the message of Christ. It just has to be used with purpose.

So how do you use social media? Do you use it for just personal use? Do you use it to share ideas with others? Do you spend too much time using it and maybe need to think of restructuring your time so that it is beneficial?

Today, while teaching my 5^th grade class the story of Nabal, Abigail and David, I HAD to share my real-life story with the children (without names, of course).  Our virtue this month is peace and today we talked about how you don’t have to be one of the parties IN the argument to make a difference to the outcome (just as Abigail saved Nabal from David’s wrath).  How God can use US to help resolve others’ issues.  I was able to befriend both girls and point out the fears of the other person.  They still aren’t speaking, but I have hope.  Friday evening, one of the ladies made the first step-and the second responded with how deeply she had been hurt (and wasn’t angry).  I continue to pray for God’s healing and will check back in on Tuesday (I’m home tomorrow-LOVE THAT).

If my emotions weren’t already in enough turmoil, I had a very good friend (from Church) back-out on a commitment that involved my child.  I can take anyone hurting ME, but oh my gosh, don’t hurt my children!  I have come to realize this is something I need prayer to overcome.  My son, who is 27 years old, was involved in a confrontation when he was young and to this day, I still remember it.  That is NOT RIGHT!  God cannot be happy with me about that….

But, as always, God provides a way out….for once, I communicated my hurt feelings to my friend.  I was pretty honest, but put it all on the table – how I was hurt and felt betrayed.  She responded in anger; but ultimately we worked it all out!  I was so relieved!  I couldn’t think about anything else – I couldn’t focus; I had to have resolution quick.  I cannot (and will not) let satan win!  As we know, Paul reminds us in Ephesians 6:12, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”  This lesson will transition us so nicely next Sunday; our 5^th grade lesson is on the Spiritual discipline of Scripture memory!  Another fabulous life lesson I can use to teach the children; in a way they will understand!

I honestly LOVE being used by the Lord to teach children!  I am so blessed!!!!

Let’s start by going on the record – When the time comes for a program to end, we should end it. I stand completely firm in that conviction. However, there may be a program that is faltering that still has life to it and could still be effective for the kingdom. It is programs like these which may be teetering on the brink which we will consider today.

Purpose

What is the primary purpose of this program? I know we looked at that in the last article, but we need to look at it again. Maybe the program was initially envisioned as an outreach program, but is not living up to that intended goal. Despite that fact, maybe the program is extremely popular among the members of the church. If this is the case, maybe the focus of the program should be turned to fellowship instead. By shifting focus, you could allow this program to continue to do what it is doing well, while also freeing up people and resources to go to a new outreach program. The one thing I would caution here is that you are careful not to use this as an excuse to keep a sacred cow.

Evaluate

After starting a job we receive a 90 day evaluation.  We consider this to be quite normal and necessary, yet we will launch a program and never give any thought to evaluating it until it is nearing death. After you have launched a program take a look at it after 30 days, 90 days, six months and one year. After that, evaluate the program annually. If this is an existing program that you are hoping to revive then I would say perform an initial evaluation then follow this schedule to evaluate the improvements you have made.

Ok, now that we know when we will evaluate, let’s look at how. One way would be through surveys. These can be done via paper, person-to-person, email, or using online tools such as surveymonkey.com. Generally, you will do most of your evaluating by meeting with members of the team. Here are some questions that you can ask as you talk about this.

• What’s right? Start your evaluation with a look at what is going well. This will help to encourage the people on the team who have worked hard and put a lot into this program. Take time to share some stories of the impact this program has had on the people it serves and the people serving in it.
• What’s wrong? Deciding what’s wrong is the only way you can make improvements. So, take time to look back and decide what went wrong, what could have been done better.
• What’s missing? Some of the answers to this one may actually come from the last question. Were there needs that this program could have met, but didn’t? Are there people that could be ministered to that weren’t? Are there people who should be serving in this ministry, but aren’t.

Innovate

You may be thinking that you cannot innovate. You may be thinking that your church is too small, too old, or doesn’t have enough money. Well, consider this; Genesis 1:27 states, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female he created them.” We were created in the very image of the creator. As such we are also creative.  Ask these questions:

• When was the last time we invented something new to further our vision?
• How can we use technology to further our vision?
• What are some new ways that we can reach our vision?
• What are others doing to reach their vision? This could include others within your church, at other churches, people doing similar programs, people doing different types of programs, or even people outside the church.

Leadership

Perhaps even more difficult than the decision to end a program may be the decision to find new leadership. In many cases these people are our friends or family. Despite this, the fact remains that there will come a time when leadership has to change hands. Let me share a story from my own life. For a while I lead worship in our early service. I had wanted to do this for quite some time and was very excited when pastor asked me if I would do it. Well, this worked out great for a while. Then after a time, Pastor approached me and asked how I would feel about letting the pianist who had been playing with me take over leadership of the team. I remained part of the team, but she took over the leading of it. Over the next few months that team went from me, the piano and one teenager singing backup to a full band including 6-8 vocalists, two keyboardists, drums, and bass. You see, I was the right person to lead that team at the time, but when it was time for someone else to lead it I needed to get out of the way. The same could be true for the program you are evaluating. Maybe it is time for new leadership.

One thing that we have to remember as we go through this is that none of it is personal. The evaluation of a program is not a reflection on the value of the people leading or serving in it. It says nothing of them as people. If we are not careful, we can lean toward taking it personally when we are evaluated. Don’t let this discourage you from performing the steps mentioned above, but do be aware of it. In the third and final part in this series I will discuss how to end a program well.

Reggie Joiner, in his book Think Orange, states that

Engaging a teenager in ministry is the best way to ensure a dynamic faith in God (that’s wonder), a personal identity in Christ (that’s discovery), and a responsive heart towards others (that’s passion).

Teens are looking for a place to serve and children’s ministry is a great way for them to get involved. Here are just a few potential service areas to consider:

• Worship Team
• Drama Team
• Technical Team
• Design Team
• First Impressions Team

How are teens serving in your children’s ministry?  What benefits are you seeing both for the teens and the children?

When it comes to volunteers in children’s ministry, there is one issue that I hear about more than any other – that is the issue of how to recruit volunteers.  It seems to be a constant problem in the kidmin world, and very few people seem to enjoy it.  I can count on one hand (maybe two) people who I would call experts in that field.  That is one of the reasons I was excited to see Andy Johnson post a complete FREE volunteer recruiting package several days back on his website.

I have never met Andy Johnson, but I am a fan of what he does.  What he does is run a great blog known as Free CM Stuff for which he scours the internet for the best FREE resources for those of us who work in children’s ministry.  I have followed Andy’s blog for quite a while, and he has pointed me towards a multitude of wonderful resources.

In addition to a recruiting video (included below), the package includes an 8.5 x 11 logo as reflected above, an 11 x 17 logo for use as a wall poster, and a bulletin insert that can be customized to fit your children’s ministry.  Finally, Andy took the video filmed for their annual Children’s Ministry Volunteer Recruitment Campaign and made it generic so that you can use it in your church.

If you decide to use the video, or any of the other components, make sure to go over to Andy’s original post and let him know how grateful you are for all his hard work!